D’ya hear yer man

I found out last week I’m going to be a Godfather. I think Don Cuzini has a nice ring to it.

My friends Craig and Laura have asked myself and Karen to be Godparents to the latest addition to their family - Matilda Iris Collen. Even though we’ve no kids of our own I feel we’re very qualified for this role.

For a start, I’ve seen the Godfather trilogy at least twice and comfortably clocked the spin-off computer game for the Playstation 2 (playing Beginner level).

Karen’s babysitting credentials include having to tolerate me for the past nine and half years.

I am a music man

I recently came across a musical instrument from my school days during a Spring clean of the family home. And no, it wasn’t in the coal bunker.

When I was reunited with my old recorder it was like we’d never been apart. OK, so I couldn’t remember any of the notes or where to put my fingers, but at least I remembered to pull the top end off and shake it free of any 20-year-old spittle before I attempted a tune.

Why is it that when I was at school I hated the recorder, but now, as an adult, I want to embrace the bane of my childhood? I suppose it’s the fact I’m deciding for myself to play it now, whereas back in 1992 I didn’t have a choice.

In the same way that a lie detector is supposed to detect if you’re telling lies, the recorder was the perfect tool for turning your level of nervousness into an audible quantity. I can still remember standing in front of the class quivering my way through Frere Jacques, each faltering note indicating my abject fear at having to perform like a whistling jester in front of my laughing classmates.

I actually feel sorry for music teachers, I know what it’s like having a song stuck in your head all day. I can think of nothing worse than that song being a stop-start version of Amazing Grace played at the wrong tempo, pitch and with all the difficult bits left out.

The thing about being set a homework which involved learning a piece of music for the recorder was, if you forgot to do it, it wasn’t something you could easily get out of.